Olive: Now look mysterious. Great. Now hungry. Like it, love it! Okay, now confused.
Sydney: How do I do confused?
Olive: Perfect! Darn, we're out of film. And I'm out of money.
Sydney: Me, too. I already spent I all my allowance. Wait, today's the first Monday of the month. Allowance day. We're saved!
Olive: Save that face! I want to use it later.
Sydney: Dad, I am so glad you're home!
Max: Aw, that's so sweet! You want that allowance electronically or in cash?
Sydney: Cash please.
Max: All right.
Sydney: Thanks, Dad.
Max: You know, not so fast. Don't you owe me for those jeans you bought yesterday?
Sydney: Who can remember that far back?
Max: And didn't I pay for a photo app that makes you look like a pirate?
Sydney: We all have regrets. Dad, you left me with three dollars. What can I buy with that?
Olive: A small fro-yo. Which I paid for yesterday.
Sydney: Dad, my allowance isn't cutting it. I need a raise, so why don't you say a number and I'll say mine and we'll do the old give and take, back and forth.
Max: You know, Sydney, when I was your age, I had a job.
Sydney: Work with me, big guy!
Judy: Oh, hi guys, hope I'm not interrupting, but, Noddle, you left this in my car. I think there's an important assignment on page 20.
Max: Oh, no. Gimme that. You're sneaking her $20? Mom, I'm trying to teach Sydney some personal responsibility, and you need to respect that.
Judy: You're right, I do.(coughing) Cheapskate.
Olive: Your dad's right. We need jobs.
Sydney: Well, what about a lemonade stand?
Olive: Nah, once you lose your freckles, the market turns against you.
Sydney: You hit 10 and the party's over. Hey how about babysitting?
Olive: Great idea! And we've got a hook: there's two of us!
Sydney: That's right! Double the fun, twice the nice. You see where I'm going with this, girl.
Olive: All the way to the piggy bank! So should we call ourselves? Toddler Tamers?
Sydney: Silly Sitters?
Olive: Shenani-nannies?
Sydney: Not there yet.
Olive: Not even close.
Olive: Any hits from the babysitting app?
Sydney: No. I don't get it. We had our first job two weeks ago and since then, nothing. And we crushed it!
Olive: Oh, that baby got sat!
Sydney: Oh great, a sake sale! And all I can scrounge up is 75 cents.
Olive: Look, Zach Thompson!
Sydney: Olive, what are you doing? I changed five poopy diapers for that money!
Olive: sorry, but Zach's like the coolest 8th-grader ever! He's on the swim team and voted best hair! I voted for him twice.
Sydney: Olive, stop staring. You're embarrassing us.
Zach: Hey, I think this is yours. And B-T-T-dubs, I recommend the snickerdoodles.
Sydney: Zank you, Thach. I mean, thank you, Tank!
Olive: Good job, Sydney!
(phone dinging)
Sydney: Olive, we got a hit! A woman want us to babysit this Saturday!
Olive: Yes! We gotta celebrate!
Sydney: We'll take half a cookie.
- [flashback to 1992]
Judy: Max, I'm going out Saturday night, so I called that sitter you like, Marla.
Young Max: I hate Marla. She makes me clean my room and go to bed on time.
Judy: Oh, that's right. I like her.
Young Max: Mom, I don't need a babysitter anymore. I'm a man.
Judy: Why, because you no longer have to sit on the pony chair when you get a haircut?
Young Max: And other man things! Come on, Mom! Think of all the money you'll save if you don't have to pay a sitter. Where are you going?
Judy: To cancel Marla! Congratulations, you're a man.
Young Max: You bet I am!
Judy: I'll also cancel the gardener. From now on, you're mowing the lawn.
- [goes back to present-day]
Max: Can't believe my baby's babysitting.
Judy: Okay, girl bosses. You ready to roll?
Sydney: Yep, and we got our secret babysitting weapon. The Fun Fun box. We got puppets, face paint, balloons...
Olive: What about the googly eyes?
Sydney: Couldn't find them. I even put on these glasses to look.
Max: I still don't see why I can't take you guys.
Sydney: Because you're so nervous about me babysitting. I don't want a repeat of last time.
Max: Again, I had the binoculars because I just happened to be bird watching in front of the house. Officer Flanagan understood... Why can't you?
Sydney: Grandma, help.
Judy: Don't worry, girls. You watch your kid, I'll watch mine.
- [flashback to 1992]
Judy: Okay, boys, I rented you a bunch of movies, and you have the number of my new mobile phone.
Leo: Whoa! You got the new tiny one!
Judy: I did! Now remember, I'm trusting you without a sitter. If you mess up, I will make you regret the day you were born. Have fun.
Young Max: Okay, Leo, ready to watch a little kung fu?
Leo: Does this answer your question? Ha! Ha! Heeee-ya!
Young Max: Not really. Oh, man, the video store put the wrong movie in the box. The gave us "Doll of Death".
Leo: Isn't that scary movie about that maniac doll that kills everyone in town?
Young Max: (sighing) Yeah. Let's watch it!
Leo: Are you kidding? My cousin fainted in that movie, and he's a gravedigger!
Young Max: Oh, I got an idea! Let's start the movie and the first person to say "stop tape" loses.
Leo: You're on.
Young Max: And no hiding behind hand, pillows, or blankies.
Leo: Oh man, we're playing street rules!
- [goes back to present-day]
Ms. Taylor: So, Dylan's dinner is in the fridge, bedtime is 9:00, and no visitors under any circumstances.
Sydney: Don't worry about a thing, Ms. Taylor Dylan's in great hands. Nobody's more fun than Olive.
Olive: Aw, and nobody's more fun than Sydney.
Sydney: Aw, so sweet!
Ms. Taylor: Kind of in a hurry, girls.
Sydney: Oh, right.
Ms. Taylor: And if all goes well tonight, I can guarantee you two a lot more work.
Olive: Really?
Ms. Taylor: I happen to be president of the PTA and know a lot of people, people who need a break from their kids. Oh, that came out wrong. There he is now.
Sydney: Hi, Dylan. I'm Sydney.
Olive: And I'm Olive. We're your baby-sitters tonight.
Dylan: Whoa! There's two of you?
Sydney: That's our slogan:
Sydney/Olive: "Two for one and twice the fun! Ah!"
Dylan: All right.
Ms.Taylor: Good night, sweetie. Listen to your sitters.
Sydney: So, Dylan... Are you ready for the best babysitting experience of your life? Yay!
Sydney/Olive: Yay!
Ms. Taylor: Yay!
Sydney: Wizard, we didn't mean to trespass on your magical forest.
Olive: Yes, please don't put a curse on us!
Dylan: Too late! And now, I turn you into a cow!
Sydney: Moo! Moo!
Dylan: And I turn you into a pig!
Olive: (snorting) Oink, oink!
Sydney: Moo! Moo!
Olive: (snorting) Oink, oink!
(animal noises continue)
Olive: Sydney, Sydney!
Sydney: I am not Sydney. I am a cow. Moo! Moo!
Zach: So, what's going on?
Sydney: Zach.
Olive: Thompson.
Zach: Hi. What's up, little bro?
Dylan: What are you doing home?
Zach: My buddy flaked on me, so I'm gonna be chilling here. Have fun on the farm!
Dylan: Come on, let's keep playing!
Sydney: Just a sec.
(girls screaming)
Sydney: So Zach's your brother?
Dylan: Yeah.
Olive: What's he like?
Dylan: Stinky.
Olive: Can you be more specific?
Sydney: Why doesn't he babysit you?
Dylan: 'Cause we fight. Why are we talking about him? I want to have fun!
Sydney: You're right, Dylan. Tonight is about you. Or should I say the wizard?
Dylan: Yes, and the wizard wants a goblet of unicorn tears.
Sydney: Coming right up! Cry for me, unicorn, cry.
Olive: Okay, I'll just think about Zach walking in on us.
(wailing)
Dylan: No, I meant I want apple juice.
Sydney: Oh, why didn't you say so? One apple juice coming right up!
Dylan: And make it quick!
Sydney: Let's not push it, Dylan.
Zach: Hey.
Sydney: Zach, hi. We met upstairs. I was the cow. Moo! So... You're eating a sandwich.
Zach: Ham and Swiss, or as I like to call it, a Zach snack attack.
Sydney: I'm gonna call it that, too. Unless that's weird because my name's not Zach. I wish it were Zach. No, that's weirder. I need juice.
Max: Oh good, you're back. So, how were the girls when you dropped them off? Did you meet the parents? What were they like? Were they nice?
Judy: I don't know. It was hard to hear over the stray dogs and the wood chipper.
Max: What? Are you messing with me?
Judy: Yes, and it's getting way too easy... Chillax, she's just babysitting! Everything's fine.
Max: Of course it is. You're right. I'm gonna call her.
Judy: Oh wait, before you do, can I peep your phone? There's a new feature I want to show you.
Max: Yeah? What's the feature?
Judy: Parental control. Get some.
- [flashback to 1992]
(woman on TV screaming)
Leo: Ah!
Young Max: we said no pillow.
(chainsaw buzzing on TV)
Leo: Ah!
Young Max: We said no hands. Admit it, Leo, you're scared. You want to stop the tape.
Leo: Never.
(evil cackling on TV)
Leo: Okay, I'm done. Turn that thing off!
Young Max: Yes! I win! I wasn't scared at all. What are you doing?
Leo: I'm going home.
Young Max: What? You can't leave me alone!
Leo: Then come with me.
Young Max: I can't! Then my mom will think I'm too scared to stay by myself.
Leo: You are too scared to stay by yourself.
Young Max: Well, I can't let her know. If she finds out I'll have a babysitter until I really am a man.
Leo: Sorry, I gotta go call my dad.
Young Max: Change your mind?
Leo: No... Walk me to the phone?
- [goes back to present-day]
Sydney/Zach: (Both laughing)
Zach: You'd never think a tiger and a parrot could be friends. But it gives the world hope, you know?
Sydney: That is so deep. You wouldn't expect that from someone who spends so much time with their head in the water.
Zach: I know, people underestimate me.
(monkey chattering)
Zach: Hey, this one's my favorite! The monkey farts himself out of a tree.
Sydney: Hope, now humor. You have so many sides!
Olive: Oh, hi Zach. I'm Olive. We met earlier.
Zach: Sure, I remember.
Olive: Really?
Zach: Yeah. You were a pig and she was a cow.
Sydney: He's so observant!
Olive: Sydney, can I see you for a sec?
Sydney: But, but, but-- Be right back.
Olive: Sydney, you left me all alone with Dylan. what happened to, "Two for one and twice the fun"? So far it's been "One for one and none the fun".
Sydney: You're right. You're right. I got distracted by Zach. And I'm not gonna make any excuses but it was the hair and the eyes. But mostly the hair.
Olive: Just go upstairs and I'll get the juice.
Sydney: Olive, the kitchen's that way.
Olive: Really? For some reason, I want to go that way.
Sydney: Let's make a pact. From now on, neither of us try to hang with the Zack attack. It's what he calls ham and Swiss.
Olive: That's so cute!
Sydney: It's adorable. But we're not gonna hang with him.
Olive: No way.
(doorbell rings)
Zach: Hey!
Sydney: Whoa, those are Zach's cool friends. That's Mia and Hudson and Whitney!
Olive: (gasping) Whitney's an influence! She's the reason I'm wearing this lip gloss! I don't even like it, but I'm under her influence!
Sydney: Wait, Zach's mom said absolutely no friends. I think we gotta ask them to leave.
Olive: I think we do.
Zach: Hey, listen, I know my mom probably said no friends, but you guys are cool, right?
Sydney: Well, actually...
Olive: Yeah, um--
Zach: Hey, come have a slice with us.
Sydney: Love to!
Olive: Totally!
Sydney: I can't believe 8th-graders asked us to hang! Olive, we're on the brink of coolness.
Olive: I'm excited, too, but I'm not showing it, because I'm practicing being cool.
Sydney: (sighing) But we have to do a good job with Dylan, too.
Olive: No reason we can't do both.
Sydney: Right, now set your face to babysitter.
Sydney: Hey, Dyl!
Olive: Hey, buddy!
Dylan: Where have you been?
Sydney: Coming up with a new game we can all play. It's called, eh...
Olive: Space...
Sydney: A-Astronaut.
Dylan: How do we play?
Sydney: Good question. Olive, why don't you tell him.
Olive: (laughing) Well... First, we're gonna do some light stretching. And Sydney will tell you the rest.
Sydney: Well, you're the space astronaut--
Dylan: Yeah! Am I gonna save the planet?
Sydney: You took the words right out of my mouth. But you've been caught in a force field!
Dylan: There's no escape!
Sydney: That's right. Now, we're gonna go downstairs and...
Dylan: Look for the code that shuts down the force field?
Sydney: You've played this game before.
Max: All right, Mom, I've learned my lesson. I'm not gonna call Sydney. Now where'd you hide my phone?
Judy: Tough cookies. Not telling.
Max: You are so immature. Let's play the hot and cold game!
Judy: Cold. Cold... Warm, warmer-- Oh hot! You're burning up!
Max: Aha, it's in the garage! I knew it!
(door locking)
(doorknob jiggling)
Max: Really, Mom? This is why we have trust issues!
(all laughing)
Mia: And then Christine trips and her tacos fly right into Amber's backpack.
(all laughing)
Sydney: That is so Christine!
Zach: You know her?
Sydney: Huh? Yeah, everyone knows Christine. She's got the hair... and... the teeth.
Zach: Hey, let's play a game.
Whitney: I know! Two truths and a lie. You guys know how to play, right?
Sydney: (laughing) Do we know how to play?
Olive: (quietly) Do we?
Hudson: I don't.
Sydney: That is so Hudson!
(all laughing)
Sydney: I can't believe we're playing a game with them!
Olive: We are so in!
Dylan: Hey, you guys ditched me!
Olive: Dylan! What are you doing down here?
Sydney: Hey, buddy! How about we talk over here?
Sydney: So, how'd you get out of the force field?
Dylan: I turned the light off. I know what you're doing. You're trying to hang out with my brother and his friends.
Olive: Well, that's a pretty big accusation.
Dylan: I don't know what that means, but I know they're not supposed to be here. And if you don't get rid of them, I'm going to call my mom.
Sydney. Are you giving us an ultimatum?
Dylan: I don't know what that means, either. But I'll going to say yes.
Sydney: Olive, what are we going to do? If Dylan tells his mom, our babysitting careers are over.
Olive: But if we kick the 8th-graders out, they'll hate us. And I had big dreams for us, Sydney. Big dreams.
Sydney: Sitting at their lunch table--
Olive: I didn't even want to say it out loud.
(phone ringing)
Sydney: Hi, Dad.
Max: Hey, Syd, just checking in, seeing how everything's going.
Sydney: Uh, Dad, can't talk.
(laughter in background)
Max: What's going on? I hear laughter. (gasping) Older boy laughter!
Sydney: The kid's brother had some friends come over, but they're not supposed to be here. Dealing with it. Gotta go.
Max: Syd? Syd! S--
Judy: Hey! How'd you find your phone?
Max: I remember your old hiding spot. I also found my old slide whistle. Why would you hide this from a little boy?
(whistling)
Judy: 'Cause one of you had to go, and I already paid for your braces.
[flashback to 1992]
(door unlocking)
Young Max: Who's there? I have a Wiffle bat and I'm not afraid to use it!(sighing) Oh, Mom.
Judy: Max, what's going on? Why are you dressed like that?
Young Max: Dressed like what? I always wear this when you're not home.
Judy: I see, and where's Leo?
Young Max: Leo got scared and went home.
Judy: But not you. You were fine, right?
Young Max: Oh yeah! But you know... If it makes you feel better for me to have a sitter, it's okay.
Judy: Really? You'd do that for me? That's very considerate. Not that you need one. After all, you are a man.
Young Max: Don't you forget it.
Judy: "Doll of Death"?
Young Max: Where? Save yourself!
[goes back to present-day]
Sydney: Olive, I think we both know what we need to do with Zach and his friends. Kick them out.
Olive: Let them stay.
Sydney/Olive: You're right.
Zach: Hey listen, sorry to bail on you guys, but Whitney just heard about a party over on Maple, so we're gonna roll.
Sydney: Oh, no! Could this be more perfect?
Olive: We're saved!
(knocking)
Zach: Who are you?
Max: I'm from Neighborhood Watch. There's been some complaints in the neighborhood, so we're shutting down all parties in this vicinity.
Zach: Ah, man!
Sydney: But not the one they're going to... on Maple!
Max: Maple, Elm, Oak... All the tree streets.
Zach: Guess we'll just have to stay here.
Max: Sorry, this party's gotta end, too.
Hudson: This isn't a party. It's just a kickback.
Whitney: It's not even a kickback. It's a hang.
Max: Kickbacks, hangs, potlucks... they're all going down.
Whitney: My dad's president of the Neighborhood Watch. What's your name?
Max: Uh.. my name? My name is Jeff... Fergelmeister.
Whitney: Can you spell that?
Max: No. I've gotta check in with headquarters, but I need whatever this is shut down.
Sydney: Well, you heard Jeff. Sounds like he meant business.
Hudson: Forget Jeff. There's no way a hang is on the list...
Whitney: Yeah, we're staying here.
Olive: (sighing) What now?
Sydney: Let's put on our big girl pants and do what we need to do.
Olive: Don't worry, Syd. I got this.
(older kids laughing)
Olive: Zach, we have something we need to say.
Zach: Hey, guys, guys. Quiet. Olive has something to say, and it sounds really important.
Olive: That's right, um... It would be really nice if you guys would consider-- and this is just a request, not a demand. Actually more like---
Sydney: You guys gotta go.
Zach: What?
Sydney: Sorry, Zach, but... Your mom made us responsible and we promised her there wouldn't be any friends over.
Whitney: So you're kicking us out? That's such a 7th-e gradmove.
Mia: We thought you were cooler than that.
Zach: Wait, no, they're right. My mom left them in charge, and I don't want too get them in trouble.
Sydney/Olive: Awwww!
Hudson: Let's go. We can hang at my place.
Sydney: Catch you later! Olive, where are you going?
Olive: Again, just wanting to head that way.
Sydney: Come on. Now let's go tell Dylan his babysitters are back.
(phone dinging)
Sydney: And just in time. His mom's five minutes away.
Sydney and Olive
Sydney: Hey, D-Man! We're back!
Olive: And all those kids are gone, so it's all about Dylan!
Dylan: I don't care! You guys are the worst babysitters ever! We didn't even finish the space astronaut game.
Olive: We only have five minutes to make him happy. Tick-tock, tick-tock!
Sydney: We can still finish the game now.
Dylan: I don't wanna.
Sydney: well, I guess we're just gonna have to finish the game ourselves. Now where were we? The space astronaut had just escaped from the force field.
Olive: But since he's not here, we the two aliens can finally conquer Earth.
Sydney/Olive: Mwah-ha-ha-ha! (both evil cackling)
Dylan: No, you won't!
Sydney: We won't?
Dylan: No! Space astronaut to the rescue! You aliens are trapped!
Sydney: He's right! We are!
Olive: There's gotta be a way out!
Dylan: Not if I wrap you in a space web!
Sydney/Olive: (screaming)
Ms. Taylor: Dylan, I'm home! Where is everybody?
(shaving cream gurgling)
Ms. Taylor: Oh my! So looks like you had fun!
Dylan: Best babysitters ever!
Sydney: Please, tell your friends!
Sydney: Sorry, we're booked for the next six Saturdays, but we'll call you back if anyone cancels. We are on fire!
Olive: We should change our slogan to "Two for one and twice the price".
Sydney: What happened to the fun part?
Olive: You're right. Success has gone to my head.
[Zach's friends pass by]
Olive: It's the gang! Hey, guys! It's us!
[They don't answer and leave]
Olive: What? They don't even remember us.
Sydney: Who needs 'em?
Zach: Hey, Olive, Sydney! Have a great day!
Sydney/Olive: Thank you, Zach!