[In the living room of the Reynolds house, Sydney is practicing fencing.]
Sydney: Point in line, advance, lunge! Point in line, advance, lunge!
[Max comes in.]
Max: Please. I come in peace... [showing a shopping bag] with din‐din! Wow, Syd. You've really gotten good.
Sydney: Well, I am trying out for the girls fencing team.
Max: You're trying out for the girls fencing team? There's a girls fencing team?
Sydney: I know. Isn't it cool?! All the girls taking it in PE asked the school to start one.
Max: And they just said yes?
Sydney: Well, we were holding swords.
Judy: [comes in] Everyone, I have news. Big news, that could change my entire college experience.
Sydney: What is it?
Judy: A parking spot opened up in front of the main building.
Max: I hear that's what kept Einstein from dropping out.
Judy: You don't get it, old dude. My parking spot now is, legit, a mile away. But there's a student ahead of me on the wait list, so I have to convince the kid in Transportation to give the spot to me!
Max: So, what's your plan?
Judy: [chuckling] I have my charms.
Max: Seriously, what's your plan?
Judy: You're right. I have to rethink.
- (knocking)
Max: [opens the door] Olive, what's with the vest? You look like you're about to climb down a manhole.
Olive: Syd, I was at school at a Safety Club meeting, and saw the sign‐up sheets for the Fencing Team. Tons of girls are trying out!
Sydney: What? I didn't know so many girls were into fencing!
Olive: It's probably because they all read Lady of the Sword and want to be Katlyn.
Max: What's Lady of the Sword ? Who's Katlyn? Why do 12‐year‐olds always know more than I do?
Olive: Lady of the Sword is the best book ever. And Katlyn is its sword‐wielding heroine. Personally I identify with her trusted advisor: a wise, thousand‐year‐old owl named... [in British accent]: Felonious.
Sydney: If I'm gonna make that team, I better bring it.
Max: Hey, uh, Syd? Let me know if you need someone to... practice with! [grabs a baguette like a sword]
[Sydney slices the baguette with the fencing sword easily.]
Max: On second thought, I'd better start dinner.
[In the Clara Barton Middle School gym, there is a group of girls preparing for the fencing try‐out, Sydney and Olive enter.]
Sydney: Wow! There are even more girls trying out than I thought!
Coach Carlock: [comes in] Okay, girls, huddle up! I'm Coach Carlock! And I have great news! I just found out, Franklin across town, is also starting a girls fencing team. So, you know what that means?
Sydney: That we have another team to play against?
Coach Carlock: No... to crush! So, let's get started! All right! I'm gonna call you up two at a time. See what you got!
Sydney: [to Olive] Good. This'll give me time to mentally prepare.
Coach Carlock: Sydney Reynolds!
Sydney: Guess I'm prepared.
Coach Carlock: And Hannah Watson!
Sydney: All right. Take your places.
Coach Carlock: Good to go?
Sydney: Yep.
Hannah: All good.
Coach Carlock: All right. Now, this isn't a match. So, let's just have some fun. Ready, fence!
[Sydney and Hannah start fencing match.]
Coach Carlock: Uh‐huh. Uh‐huh, uh‐huh, uh‐huh.
Olive: [to a girl] I love this thing! Good protection and doubles as a pasta strainer!
[Sydney and Hannah continue the fight. They approach, clashing their fencing swords.]
Coach Carlock: Put her in a half nelson! Put her in a half nelson!
[They stop.]
Sydney: Huh?
Coach Carlock: Sorry. I also coach wrestling. Continue.
[Sydney and Hannah continue the fight.]
- [Flashback to 1992]
[At the Reynolds house, Leo and Max come in.]
Young Max: Hey, Mom! Whassuuup?
Leo: Whassuuup?
Judy: Shh! I'm on the phone with my boss. [to her boss] That's too bad about your son's bar mitzvah, Marlene, but I don't know any videographers that could fill in.
Young Max: We'll do it, Mom! Me! Us! We'll do it!
Judy: [moves her hands gesturing denial to Max and Leo] [to her boss] Nope! Don't know a soul. Okay! See you at work. [hangs up]
Young Max: Mom! You know we want to start a videography business. Why didn't you recommend me?
Judy: So you expect me to recommend you, even though you have no experience, and you're 12 years old, just because you're my son?
Young Max: Yes!
Judy: No!
Leo: I saw that trap coming!
Judy: Max, this is my boss. You're not asking me to get you a job, you're asking me to lose mine. Which brings us to the end of this conversation. Good talk. Keep in touch. [leaves]
Leo: This could've finally been our big break! I know I'm only 12, but I already feel the clock ticking.
Young Max: Man, I wish we had a way to call my mom's boss back and ask for the job.
Leo: That's it! We can dial star‐69. It calls back the last person that called you. Wait, I just remembered. It costs 99 cents.
Young Max: So? The phone bill doesn't come for a month! That's Future Max's problem!
- (beeping)
Young Max: [in deep voice to Judy's boss on phone] Hi, I'm a professional videographer. Judy Reynolds recommended we call. [normal voice to Leo] She wants to meet us! [in deep voice to Judy's boss] Yeah, yeah, tomorrow's good. Anytime after school‐‐ I mean, work!
- [Goes back to present-day]
[At Reynolds Rides.]
Sydney: I just know that I could've done better today! All the coach said about me was... "Uh‐huh. Uh‐huh, uh‐huh, uh‐huh."
Max: [approaches] Syd, please tell me you're still not obsessing about your try‐out. I'm sure you did great!
[Judy comes in, wearing a sweater with a picture of a cat and a headband with cat ears.]
Judy: Okay! Time to get that parking spot!
Max: You know, I almost wore that exact outfit today! Then I realized, I'm not crazy.
Judy: No, I did a deep dive on social media. It turns out Miles Dowaliby in the Transpo Office is obsessed with cats! Not surprisingly, he still lives with his mother. Oh. Sorry, Max. [leaves]
Max: [to Sydney] You know, why don't you two go to the mall, and you try to get your mind off the try‐outs?
Sydney: I don't think empty consumerism is gonna take my mind off of this.
Max: Here's my credit card.
Sydney: It's worth a try.
[Sydney and Olive leave.]
Max: Mm‐hmm. [sees a customer and goes to him.] Ah! Can I help you?
Coach Carlock: Yeah. I'm looking for a new bike. Need to stay in top shape to keep up with my kids.
Max: How many do you have?
Coach Carlock: Thirty.
Max: Thirty?! Wow, you really are in top shape!
Coach Carlock: [chuckles] No. No, by "kids," I mean students. I coach over at Clara Barton Middle.
Max: Is that right? What do you coach?
Coach Carlock: Fencing. Wrestling. Badminton.
Max: You know, as chance would have it, my daughter, Sydney, tried out for the fencing team today. So, how'd she do? She make the team?
Coach Carlock: Well, I haven't made any decisions yet.
Max: Well, I don't mean to brag, but, uh... Sydney's quite the talented fencer. Just the other day, she knocked a baguette right outta my hand. Need I say more?
Coach Carlock: I'm good. [turns around and sees a bicycle] Oh, wow! Wow! This Trailblazer X200 is a beaut! Oh, but way out of my price range.
Max: You know, it might not be after I apply the 40% off Family and Friends discount.
Coach Carlock: Well, I'm not family or friends.
Max: No, Coach. The way you dedicate your life to those kids, you're a hero. Actually, more of a super‐hero.
Coach Carlock: Yeah, I get that a lot. Oh, I don't know. Look, you're being very generous, but...
Max: No "buts"! I'll be insulted if you don't take it.
Coach Carlock: Okay, I'm taking it!
Max: Great!
[Later on, Sydney arrives.]
Sydney: Dad, guess what! I made the fencing team!
Max: What?! Congratulations, honey! [chuckles] [dancing] You made the team! You made the team!
Sydney: Dad?
Max: Guess I'll do my big finish in the storeroom.
Sydney: Hey! Where's the Trailblazer X200?
Max: I, uh, sold it yesterday.
Sydney: Get out! That bike's a fortune! Who bought it?
Max: You know, I, uh... I don't remember.
Sydney: You don't remember who you sold the most expensive bike in the store to? [grabs the receipt and sees it] Frank Carlock? You sold the bike to my fencing coach? At 40% off?!
Max: Did I? So much happened today! The smoothie machine jammed. And I found a dollar under the‐‐
Sydney: Dad! You bribed my way onto the team!
Max: What? I just did something nice for your coach.
Sydney: Who, in turn, did a nice thing for you. Put your daughter on the team.
Max: Sydney.
Sydney: You know who you didn't do a nice thing for? Me. [leaves]
[Later in the kitchen at the Reynolds house, Sydney is making a sandwich. Max enters.]
Max: Hey, Syd.
- (silence)
Max: How much longer you gonna go on without talking to me?
Sydney: How could you bribe my coach, Dad?
Max: I guess I got my answer. I'm sorry. I was just trying to give you a leg up.
Sydney: But why? Don't you believe in me? Don't you think I'm good enough to be on the team?
Max: Of course I do, I just‐‐ I know how much you wanted it. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy.
Sydney: I'd rather be disappointed not getting on the team than feel like I didn't earn it. What are you gonna do when I apply to college? Send a bike with each application?
Max: I know! I know. I messed up big time. And I'm so, so sorry.
[Judy comes in.]
Judy: I got your text! [hugs Sydney] Congratulations! You made the fencing team! Why is this a one‐way hug?
Max: It's my fault. I may have influenced Sydney's coach by giving him a discount on a bike.
Judy: I can't believe it. Who raised you‐‐ Well, I'm sure she tried her best.
Sydney: And now I don't know if I deserve to be on the team. Should I quit? Should I not quit?
Max: Do I get a vote?
Sydney/Judy: No!
Judy: Well, I have a parking spot to land.
Max: What happened with your kitty cat caper?
Judy: Total bust. It turns out, I looked up the wrong Miles Dowaliby. This one hates cats, thinks they're secretly witches. That dude watches too much TV.
Max: Well, I hope you learned your lesson.
Judy: I did. I need to up my game. The real Miles Dowaliby loves national monuments, his dog, his mother, and velociraptors. So I paid an art student to paint this. [shows a painting of Mount Rushmore with the elements that she mentioned]
Max: How is you giving him a present different than me giving Coach Carlock a discount?
Judy: How is it different? How is it different?! Max, I want you to think long and hard about how it is different. And when you have an answer, let me know. [leaves]
- [Flashback to 1992]
[Max and Leo arrive at the place where the party of Judy's boss's son will take place. They see her organizing things for the party with her son. Judy's boss, Marlene, approaches them.]
Marlene: Oh. Sorry, kids. If you're looking for the little boys room, it's up the hall.
Young Max: No, Mrs. Silverman. I'm Maxwell and this is my associate, Leonard. We're the videographers you talked to on the phone.
Marlene: Are you telling me you two make videos for Judy Reynolds?
Leo: We film all of her birthdays.
Young Max: Even her son's. And by the way, what a handsome, charming boy.
Marlene: Sorry, this isn't gonna work. You're kids. I've got shoes older than you.
Young Max: But who better to film a kid's party than a kid?
Leo: Yeah, we know what they're into. Let me guess, Adam. Video games, milkshakes, and anything that explodes?
Adam: You so get me. [highs five with Leo] I want them, Mom.
Marlene: Well, I am desperate. And have absolutely no other options. [sees Max and Leo] None.
Young Max: [whispering] I like where this is going.
Marlene: Fine. You're hired. Let's talk about your fee.
Leo: Whatever her first offer is, turn it down. Remember, poker face.
Marlene: The job pays $500.
Leo: You're crazy!
Young Max: He means we'll take it.
- [Goes back to present-day]
[In the hallways of Clara Barton Middle School, Sydney meets Olive.]
Olive: There you are. So, what are you gonna do about the fencing team? Are you staying or quitting?
Sydney: Well, since I still don't know for sure if the you‐know‐what made the difference‐‐
Olive: You mean the bribe?
Sydney: Bup‐bup‐bup! Staying. I'm gonna work my butt off and prove to myself that I deserve to be on it. [turns] Oh, hey, Hannah. Looks like you and I are gonna be teammates.
Hannah: What are you talking about? I didn't make the team.
Sydney: You didn't?
Hannah: No. Coach said I just missed the cut. It stinks.
Sydney: [to Olive] Oh no, I thought Hannah was better than me at tryouts. What if I took her spot because of what my dad did?
Olive: You mean the bribe?
Sydney: Would you stop it?! Hannah? I want you to have my spot on the fencing team.
Hannah: What? Why would you give your spot to me?
Sydney: Because I think you deserve it.
Hannah: No, thanks. I want to be on the team because I earned it. Not because someone did me a favor.
Sydney: Yeah, there's a lot of that going around. I know.
[They see the coach and they approach him.]
Sydney: Why don't we let Coach decide? Coach Carlock? I want to give Hannah my spot on the fencing team.
Coach Carlock: Why would you do that?
Sydney: Because... I think she might be a teensie, weensie bit better than me and I want to... crush Franklin!
Coach Carlock: Ooh! I like that attitude.
Hannah: But I don't want it just given to me.
Sydney: How 'bout Hannah and I try out again? A real match‐‐ winner gets the spot.
Coach Carlock: You good with this, Hannah?
Hannah: Bring it on.
Coach Carlock: All right. Then I'll see you two tomorrow before practice. Oh! I am pumped!
[Later, at Reynolds Rides.]
Sydney: Dad! Dad! Guess what?
Olive: Coach Carlock agreed to another tryout between Syd and another girl who almost made the team. Oh! Sorry, Sydney has something to tell you.
Max: Syd, how'd you get him to agree?
Sydney: I spoke coach. [in deep voice] "Winners, losers, crush Franklin, rah, rah, rah."
Max: But, honey, what if you lose?
Sydney: Well, at least I'll know whether I belong on the team or not.
Max: Wow, Syd. I'm impressed. And don't worry. I will never again try to give you an unfair advantage. No more favors. Disappointments are part of life. And I got to let you go through them. No matter how difficult it is to see my little girl...
Sydney: Uh, Dad?
Max: Happy Dad's back.
Judy: [comes in] Max! Syd! Olive! People I don't care about! I got the parking spot!
Sydney: Congratulations!
Olive: This calls for a smoothie‐bration!
[Max walks and meets the coach.]
Max: Hey, Coach. What can I do for you?
Coach Carlock: Afraid I gotta return the bike. My wife reminded me we needed the money for a new water heater.
Max: Sure thing. Just need to see the receipt. Store policy.
Coach Carlock: Yeah, man, I can't find it.
Max: No problem.
Coach Carlock: Ah, thanks. Appreciate the favor.
Max: Favor, huh? Um, actually, you know, there is a problem. No receipt, no return.
Coach Carlock: What? I just bought it two days ago.
Max: Yeah, but I can't give you special treatment just because you're my daughter's coach.
Coach Carlock: Uh, whatever happened to "friends and family"? You called me a hero!
Max: Heroes keep receipts.
Olive: Syd, is that Coach Carlock arguing with your dad?
Coach Carlock: [to Max] Come on, man, give me a break!
Sydney: Oh, no.
Max: [to the coach] Sorry, can't do it.
Coach Carlock: I will never step foot in this place again. [leaves]
Sydney: Dad, what's going on?
Max: You'll be so proud of me, Syd. Your coach wanted to return the bike without a receipt, but no special favors, right?
Sydney: What have you done?! Now the coach is so mad, he's gonna take it out on me.
Max: But I was just trying to not give you a leg up.
Sydney: But now you've given me a leg down. Why can't you just leave my leg in neutral?
- [Flashback to 1992]
[At Adam's birthday party.]
Leo: And... action.
Young Max: I'm standing here with the star of the evening, Adam, the bar mitzvah boy. Now, Adam, tell me, how does it feel to be a man?
Adam: It's okay. [leaves]
Young Max: Did you hear that? He's okay!
Leo: Max, we got a problem! The kid's miserable. Go to the chocolate fountain!
Young Max: I'd love to, but what should I do with Adam?
Leo: With Adam. With Adam!
Young Max: Adam? Let's get a shot of you tasting the chocolate fountain for the first time.
Adam: Really? Cool!
Marlene: Adam! What do you think you're doing? You're gonna get that chocolate all over your nice white jacket.
Adam: I'm only wearing it because you made me.
Marlene: And you look so handsome. Now go straighten your Aunt Ethel's wig and ask her to dance. And smile! Would it kill you to smile? [leaves]
Adam: This party stinks. My mom won't let me have any fun.
Leo: Don't worry. I'll edit that out.
[Judy comes in.]
Marlene: Judy!
Judy: Oh, hi, Marlene. Oh my gosh, everything is so beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because you're my boss.
Marlene: Yes, you are.
Judy: Can't it be both?
Marlene: Thanks. Only took me a year to plan it. And my son's acting like it's the worst night of his life.
Judy: Well, this is the best night of my life.
Marlene: We get it, Judy. Hey, I'm sorry about the last‐minute invite. But it was the least I could do after you recommended those videographers. [leaves]
Judy: What videographers? [sees Max and Leo with the camera and approaches them]
Young Max: Hey, Leo. Let's get a shot of the dance floor.
[Leo raises the camera to record and sees Judy.]
Leo/Young Max: [scream]
Young Max: Mom, what are you doing here?
Judy: What are you doing here? I don't know how you got this job, but if you lose it, it's going to cost me mine. That's why I'm going to be next to you every single minute.
Leo: Actually, we're not looking for a partner.
[Judy looks at him.]
Leo: But what do you know? We found one. [nervous chuckle]
- [Goes back to present-day]
[At Clara Barton Middle School, Sydney and Olive are in the gym.]
Sydney: I'm never gonna make the team now. Not after my dad ticked off the coach.
Olive: Don't worry. He's not gonna take it out on you.
[The coach comes in.]
Sydney: Hi, Coach!
Coach Carlock: Uh, huh. [to the students] Okay, before we start practice, we're gonna have one more tryout between Hannah Watson and Sydney Reynolds.
Olive: Whoo whoo!
Coach Carlock: Are you gonna be trouble?
Olive: No. I'm with emergency preparedness. I'm here to stop trouble.
Coach Carlock: Anyway... okay. First one to five points wins the match. All right. Girls, take your places.
Olive: You got this.
Sydney: [to Hannnah] Good luck.
Hannah: May the best fencer win.
Coach Carlock: Ready? Fence!
- (metal clinking)
Coach Carlock: Point! Watson.
Sydney: Come on, Syd.
Coach Carlock: Ready? Fence!
- (metal clinking)
Olive: Yes!
Sydney: Coach, I just scored a point. Why didn't you call it?
Coach Carlock: Because it wasn't a point. You never established point of line.
Sydney: But‐‐
Coach Carlock: Penalty! Reynolds.
Sydney: What? Why?
Coach Carlock: Arguing with a call. Point, Watson. That's two, zip.
Olive: Oh, no.
Coach Carlock: Ready? Fence!
- (metal clinking)
Coach Carlock: Point! Reynolds.
Olive: Whoo, whoo, whoo! [the coach turns to see her] Back to you, Coach!
- [Flashback to 1992]
Young Max: Okay, top five things on the kids buffet. Go!
Judy: You're spending too much time on the kids. Film the cousins' table!
Young Max: Okay, let me get in position.
Judy: Oh, go get the grandparents on the dance floor! It could be their final dance.
[The grandparents turn to see her.]
Judy: Of the evening! Oh, my boss is talking to her sister! Get that, Leo. Get that!
Leo: You told me to get the grandparents! What story are we telling?!
Judy: Give me that. I will do it myself.
[Judy grabs the camera and accidentally pushes Adam, who hits the table and then falls to the floor, the chocolate fountain falling on him.]
Judy: Oh! Oh, no! I am so fired.
Young Max: No, you're not! [grabs the camera]
Marlene: Adam! Your suit is ruined!
Young Max: I am so sorry! It's all my fault.
Marlene: Because of you, he's covered in chocolate!
Young Max: Adam! Adam! [encourages everyone to do the same]
Crowd: Adam! Adam! Adam!
Adam: Who wants chocolate? It's on me!
- (all laughing)
Marlene: Look, he's smiling! He's finally having a good time! Are you getting this?
Leo: I'm all over it!
Marlene: Maxwell, Leonard, thank you. You really saved Adam's big day.
Judy: Well, let's not forget who recommended them. And truth be told, Max happens to be my son.
Marlene: Why didn't you tell me?
Judy: I wanted him to earn it on his own and... I guess he did. Well, you got a good kid there, Judy.
Young Max: Mom, anything you wanna say to us?
Judy: Yes. I'm sorry I almost ruined your first job.
Young Max: Leo, are you getting this?! She's apologizing!
Judy: Now let's talk about you going behind my back.
Leo: Don't worry. I'll edit this part out.
- [Goes back to present-day]
[Sydney and Hannah continue the fencing match.]
- (metal clinking)
Sydney: [grunts]
Coach Carlock: Point! Watson. The score is tied. Four a‐piece. Next point wins.
Olive: I can't watch! [puts on a fencing helmet]
Coach Carlock: Ready? Fence!
- (metal clinking)
Coach Carlock: Point and match, Reynolds! She wins.
- (applause)
Olive: No doubt about it now. You definitely belong on the team.
Sydney: I guess I really do!
Hannah: Great match, Sydney.
Sydney: You too, Hannah.
Coach Carlock: Congratulations, Sydney. Welcome to the team.
Sydney: Thanks, Coach, but... I don't want the spot unless Hannah's on the team, too. If I earned it, she earned it.
Coach Carlock: Don't worry. Watson's on the team, too.
Hannah: I am?!
Coach Carlock: Oh, Charlotte quit this morning and joined the badminton team. Who gives up a sword for a skinny racket?!
Sydney: So why'd you have us go ahead with the match?
Coach Carlock: Cause I love the hot liquid soul‐fire of competition! And now, we can...
All: Crush Franklin!
[In the living room of the Reynolds House, Sydney seems to be practicing fencing, Max arrives.]
Max: Hey, Syd, you already made the team. Don't you wanna take a break?
Sydney: [comes in] Did you say something, Dad?
Max: Wait, if that's you, who's‐‐?
Olive: [takes off fencing helmet] [in British accent] It is I... Katlyn's twin sister, Matlyn. I had been turned into an owl by an evil sorcerer.
Max: But how? Why?
Sydney: Dad, read the book. Otherwise, we're gonna be here all day.
[Judy comes in.]
Judy: That walk from my car to class is killing me. My dogs are barking so bad, I think they might have rabies.
Max: You changed your mind and gave up your parking spot, didn't you?
Judy: No comment!
Sydney: I'm proud of you, Grandma.
Judy: No, I'm proud of you, Noodle. You set such a great example. [takes out the painting she bought] Now I just have to figure out what I'm gonna do with this.
Max: Why don't you just throw it out?
Judy: Hey! I paid good money for this.
Olive: Is that a raptor? [pierces the painting with the fencing sword]
Judy: Okay! Now it's garbage.